


Just Stay

by GoodyearTheShippyCat



Category: Starfighter (Comic)
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Consent, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, Domestic, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, Evolving Relationship, Frottage, Gentle Kissing, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, In the Form of Getting Drunk and Picking Fights, Just the Usual Cain Stuff, Lack of Communication, Living Together, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Masturbation, Miscommunication, Nostalgia, Not Tagging Any More to Avoid Spoiling, Post-Canon, Post-Coital Cuddling, Post-War, Relationship Discussions, Relationship Problems, Self-Esteem Issues, Tears, Undressing, Using Appropriate Amounts of Lube, Veterans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 21:00:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodyearTheShippyCat/pseuds/GoodyearTheShippyCat
Summary: It’s been a few years since Cain and Abel left the Federated Alliance and began their lives together down on Earth. The honeymoon period is finally starting to end, and it’s causing some anxiety for one of them.





	Just Stay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paintstroke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintstroke/gifts).



> This fic was written for the 2018 Starfighter Secret Santa Exchange as a gift for our amazing pinch hitter, [paintstroke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintstroke/pseuds/paintstroke), a truly selfless holiday hero! Hopefully you don’t mind a bit of angst, as it appears to be all I want out of my Caibel lately. This is one of those fics that started off sounding totally self-contained and reasonable and then just sprawled out and got way more serious as I wrote. Anyway, I hope you have a lovely end of the year, and that 2019 brings you lots of good things! 
> 
> I’ve used Cain and Abel’s canon names (Alexei and Ethan, respectively) for this fic.

They hadn’t fucked in over a week. _Fuck._

Except they weren’t, and hadn’t been. _Fuck fuck fuck!_

 _Use some logic, fucking dumbass,_ Alexei mentally berated himself as he paced the living room. _It’s just a dry spell. Not a big fucking deal._

Except maybe it was. This wasn’t exactly their first “dry spell”.

He continued pacing, trying not to go straight for the liquor cupboard to drown his sorrows. Ethan hated it when he came home after a long day at the office and found Alexei already half a bottle in. Never said anything outright, so long as he hadn’t made a mess of things or picked a fight. But it was so obvious in his eyes, the goddamn disappointment. He was an open fucking book with his emotions. Always had been, ever since they met up on the station.

 _Those were the days_ , thought Alexei, happy memories sending a jolt of arousal to his neglected nether regions. He hadn’t even bothered to jerk off for the past few days. What was his world coming to?

He missed being up in space. Being the best, being desired. Not just by Abel, either. Even Deimos’ attention had always helped his ego. He couldn’t believe he actually missed the little creep.

 _THUMP_.

He plunked himself down on the couch; the too-nice, too-soft, calfskin leather sofa that Ethan had insisted on. When Alexei had seen the price tag, his eyes had nearly boggled out of his head. How anyone could consider spending that kind of money on a piece of furniture was beyond him. But like everything else in Ethan’s plush, fancy life, he got used to it. He had to admit, it _was_ really comfortable. Almost like a firm hug as he sank back into it, running his hand over the half-hard outline of his cock through worn jeans.

It felt like another lifetime now, their days in the Alliance. More than three years since the war ended. More than three years stuck down here on Earth, being useless. He missed shooting up ‘Terons. Flying around with nothing between him and the endless expanse of space but the rattling hull of a Starfighter, and nobody with him save for Abel in the navigator’s half of the cockpit, laughing his brilliant, tinkling laugh and looking practically edible in his tight, white flight suit.

Alexei unzipped his jeans and pushed down the elastic on his boxers to free his rapidly-stiffening cock. He gave it a few slow strokes, hissing with the pleasure. It had been so good when they were flying together. Hell, it had still been amazing once the war ended, and Ethan had finally forgiven him for fucking up so badly, and asked him to move down to Earth with him. That first year had been pretty fucking great, military pension rolling in, nothing to do but ravish Ethan whenever the ex-navigator was home from his fancy new job. Two or three times a day, easily—making him late for the train in the morning; letting dinner overcook in the oven; waking up in the middle of the night and twining together, rubbing sleep out of his eyes as they kissed lazily, touching each other.

Alexei bit his lip as he moved his wrist faster, twisting with each stroke as he thought about how many times he’d laid Ethan down on this very same couch over the years and fucked him senseless. The beautiful blond begged so nicely when he was desperate for a good dicking. His little gasps and cries practically echoed in Alexei’s head, driving his pace faster and making him grunt as he felt his balls twitch and tighten.

_Why couldn’t it stay like that?_

The thought pushed its way into his head unbidden, shattering the happy fog of memory and bringing back reality too sharply. It had been ages since they last fucked on the couch, or in the shower. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d been unable to wait and had just gotten naked on the kitchen floor, or rutted against each other in the cramped stall of a restaurant bathroom. He tugged harder at his erection, desperately trying to finish, but like everything these days, it seemed to be a losing battle.

They were lucky if they had sex once a week, lately. Twice in seven long days seemed like a goddamn miracle. It always seemed to be the same… felt like going through the motions sometimes. He wondered if Ethan scheduled it in like everything else in his life. The thought of ‘Sex with Alexei – 10:15 PM’ typed neatly into his jam-packed calendar was fucking depressing.

His cock softened to the point where it wasn’t worth bothering with. His hand flopped down on the couch by his side, pre-come getting sticky and cold where it covered his fingers.

“ _B_ _lyat_.” He couldn’t even muster enough anger to properly respond to losing his hard on.

_Fucking pathetic._

How was he supposed to make Ethan happy if he couldn’t even keep it up? Their entire relationship was based on him practically forcing himself on his navigator the first time they’d met, and then continuing to fuck each other at every opportunity from then on. Sex was the only thing he could give Ethan, anyway. Stupid rich asshole didn’t need anything else. Besides fighting, it was the only thing he was really good at. The only reason Ethan had kept him around this long. And he didn’t even seem to want it very often any more.

 _So what’s the point?_ he thought, bitterness overcoming him. He’d asked himself that question with more frequency lately.

He’d even gone so far as to ignore Ethan entirely at points. Even when he could see lust in the other man’s eyes; when he so clearly wanted to get fucked hard and was just waiting for Alexei to respond. He’d avoid him, make up shitty excuses. What was the point? He was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why not hasten it the fuck along? No point putting off the inevitable.

With his head lolling against the comfortably padded backrest of the couch, Alexei looked around the room, taking in all of the modern, immaculate furnishings and décor. Each piece probably worth more than everything he’d ever lived with beforehand. The only thing that didn’t belong in the picture was him. Too sloppy, harsh, and worthless. He stood out like a blemish on Ethan’s perfect life, and one of these days Ethan was finally going to realise that. He’d move on as easily as he’d sent bloodied linens to the cleaner after Alexei had come home from a bar fight last month; spotless white sheets and new-looking pillow covers returned in neat folded piles. No trace of his destruction and carelessness to be found.

Ethan was closer to 30 now than he was to 24, the late bloomer he’d been when they were first assigned together. It wouldn’t be long before he realized that, started getting serious about planning for his future like good little rich kids were supposed to. Taking stock of his life and everything in it, figuring out how it would figure into his goals or trajectory or whatever the shit his parents were always harping on about. Nobody in the colonies ever talked like that. Alexei didn’t know fuck all about it—just one more reason he wouldn’t fit into Ethan’s future.

Someone, anyone else that Ethan could land here on Earth would offer him more. And he’d have no trouble finding someone new; he’d kept his slim good looks and was just as sweet as ever. He’d grown out the bright streaks in his bangs more than a year ago now. One more rebellious choice forgotten, one more tether to their partnership cut, as easily as he’d eventually cut Alexei loose. Even the scar on his lips had faded, no longer standing out as much among the smooth, genetically-engineered faces of the bitches he was surrounded by every day.

_Fucking pasty clones._

Alexei had met Ethan’s coworkers and friends. They were all smarter, more cultured, and probably less lazy about doing housework. Why Ethan hadn’t left him for one of them already was a damn mystery. The fact that he’d managed to last this long with them living together was almost unbelievable. How had he not already fucked it up?

“RAAARRRGHHHH!” he yelled, slamming his fists down into the couch cushions hard enough to leave deep imprints. They’d spring up again and fade from view, too.

He longed to just smash something for once, but knew if he went out to the bar for the second time this week and stayed out late only to come home drunk and busted up from a fight Ethan would be pissed off. Again.

So instead he just sat there, thoughts haunting him, until the sun got low in the sky.

 

The sound of the front door beeping its near-field unlock chime and sliding open snapped him out of his stupor, but he didn’t get up.

“Hi Alexei, I’m home!” called Ethan’s voice from the front hall, muffled slightly by the sounds of him removing his jacket and shoes. Footsteps padded quietly along the floor and into the living room. “I hope you don’t mind I ate at work. It was getting late. Sorry I forgot to message. You didn’t wait for me, did you? ”

“Nah.”

Ethan didn’t make a fuss over his terse response, puttering around the room after setting down his briefcase, turning on lights.

“How was your day off? Do you still have a late shift tomorrow at the gym?”

He made an affirmative-sounding noise, and Ethan kept chattering.

“Oh good. I was worried one of your disorganized clients might book a personal training session last-minute again,” he said, coming over to sit on the couch, “I’m looking forward to a lazy morning in bed with you tomorrow.”

Alexei felt the touch of familiar fingers on his shoulder and glanced over in time to watch Ethan’s expression go from cheerful to a mixture of confusion and concern.

“Hey, are you all right? Did something happen?”

“’m fine.”

Ethan frowned. Alexei turned his gaze back to the windows.

“Are you sure? You’ve been a little… withdrawn, lately,” his hand rubbed Alexei’s shoulder softly, like an apology, “I haven’t done anything to upset you, have I?”

“Nah.”

“I’m just worried about you,” said Ethan with a sigh, “Will you tell me what’s going on?”

Alexei shrugged his shoulders violently, freeing them from the gentle touch. “Fuck off, Ethan!”

His old navigator’s face hardened, mouth forming a tight line. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay.”

“Ha!” the cruel sound of disbelief left Alexei’s mouth before he could stop it. As if Ethan would ever drop anything for long. He’d always been a stubborn little fuck.

He heard another, more weary sigh from beside him.

“I can’t help if I don’t know what’s upsetting you.”

Their silence stretched out an uncomfortably long time. Eventually Ethan broke it again, the way he always did. But to Alexei’s surprise, he dropped the topic entirely.

“Okay, forget it,” he said, shifting further away to sit by the arm of the couch and grabbing the remote, “Did you want to watch the next episode tonight?” He had situated himself on an angle—pressed into the corner of the couch with one arm on the armrest and one stretched out along the back—inviting Alexei to curl into his side.

 _All he ever wants to do any more is fucking cuddle_. Despite the frustrated thought, resisting Ethan’s freely offered comfort was more difficult than it was worth. _Tch, when did I get so weak?_

Leaning into the other man’s chest, Alexei inhaled and exhaled deeply as he made himself comfy. Ethan hit a button and the screen of their entertainment unit flickered to life over the surface of the floor-to-ceiling windows, which went dark automatically. It seemed bigger than the screen in the briefing room of the _Sleipnir_ had, and was completely ridiculous. Although he would have to admit to loving it more than any of the other luxuries in their home.

The show they’d been catching up on started playing, and the overhead lights dimmed. In the twilight, Ethan’s arm shifted down to rest along Alexei’s shoulders, hand stroking slowly through his hair. Even wound up as he was, the repetitive motion of long fingers trailing along his scalp started to relax him. Little by little the tension in his body ebbed away. After a few minutes, Ethan dropped his chin and nose to rest against the top of Alexei’s head, burrowing into his hair a little.

Normally he’d be fighting sleep by halfway through the episode, cuddled up like he was—the shitty drama was more Ethan’s thing, but he wasn’t about to come right out and say it. He wasn’t completely stupid. However, with thoughts of a time where they would never get the chance to curl up together again running through his brain, sleep was not forthcoming. He felt too tight inside, and Ethan didn’t help when he next spoke.

“I love you,” he whispered into Alexei’s hair, so quiet his voice could barely be heard above the conversation between the characters onscreen.

Alexei tensed, and stayed like that for a long moment, not responding in any other way. He finally settled back to his previous state, letting Ethan continue to pet his hair.

When the credits finally rolled, Alexei was up like a shot from the couch, not even looking back as Ethan called after him:

“Where are you going?”

“To take a fucking piss,” he spat back over his shoulder.

He stayed in the bathroom afterwards, staring at his face in the mirror even after he finished washing his hands. The circles under his eyes were darker than he remembered them being. He definitely looked older than he had when they got discharged after the war. Hell, older than he’d looked even during that last mission, which was ridiculous considering how much less he slept, how much more he drank and smoked, and how hard the Alliance had worked them all through that trip—not to mention all the extracurricular fights and bullshit he’d had to deal with.

 _Could really use a fucking smoke about now,_ he thought. But of course, he didn’t have any damn smokes in the house because he’d quit two years ago. Well, mostly quit. Sometimes he slipped up and smoked a few… or a pack… usually when he was drinking. Another reason Ethan didn’t like him going out and getting drunk. He always bitched about the smell getting into the sheets and the laundry hamper afterwards.

Another reason to miss his time in the Alliance. Abel had only really ever complained when he forgot to turn the vents up and practically smoked out their tiny shared room. Now he had to go out on the balcony if he wanted to have even one cigarette. Apparently smoking indoors was frowned upon here on Earth. Fucking stupid, if you asked him. There was a damn ceiling fan right there in the bathroom!

“Alexei? I’m heading to bed, okay?” The quiet words carried from the other side of the wall loud and clear. Ethan was probably standing right outside. He thought he even heard the sound of fingertips softly dragging along the door as the other man passed in the hall.

When he finally emerged from the bathroom, the living room was dark, the short hallway illuminated primarily by the low light spilling from the open bedroom door. Alexei stood still a moment before walking toward it.

 _Ethan’ll probably just end up working on his laptop for the next hour anyway,_ he figured. He could always fall asleep to the clacking of keys beside him now, after years of practice. When he stepped through the doorway, he was met by a different sight.

Ethan was sitting up in bed, watching him with what Alexei always thought of as his “stupidly determined” face. He was shirtless, and when he swung his legs out from under the covers, Alexei realized he wasn’t wearing pants, either. A pang of disappointment still tugged at his stomach when he saw that Ethan wasn’t hard. But he still looked beautiful walking over in the warm light; pale and lithe, blond hair messier than usual from undressing.

He waited to speak until he was standing right beside Alexei, taking his hand.

“Come to bed with me?”

The sound of Ethan’s voice was like honey. Alexei had never been good at denying him shit when he asked like that. He allowed himself to be led closer to their shared bed, where Ethan paused by placing his other hand on Alexei’s chest, then kissed the corner of his mouth tentatively. It was barely a brush of his lips, but held the promise of more.

He let Ethan run his hands beneath the fabric of his hoodie, almost tickling his sides with the light touch as the garment was brought up over his head. Once his face was free, Ethan leaned in for another kiss—this time a little more assertive—one hand around the nape of his neck and the other working at his belt buckle. On the third kiss, Alexei finally kissed back, getting a small moan from Ethan which made his dick twitch. He was way too fucking whipped if something as little as that sound was enough to get a response.

Their mouths moved slowly against each other, just the hint of tongue making Alexei start to perk up more. Ethan got his belt undone and fly open with practised ease, rubbing a palm down the front of his boxers. The smaller man retracted the hand that had moved up to grip at the back of Alexei’s hair, using both hands to shuck pants then underwear down his legs. He kicked off the final leg of his jeans and stepped towards Ethan, still focused on kissing him.

The feeling of Ethan’s cock bumping against his thigh was a pleasant surprise. He took hold of the blond’s hips and lined them up with his so they were pressed together, getting fully hard between their bodies. It felt so good he could have just stayed like that, kissing softly, for quite a while. But Ethan had other ideas.

The smaller man laid him back onto the bed, climbing over and sinking down so that most of his bodyweight rested on top of Alexei as he went back to kissing him with even more enthusiasm. Yet Ethan was still slow and controlled in his motions, not speeding up or getting too antsy and needy the way he sometimes did. Their hips rolled together in tiny motions. Ethan’s fingers stroked through his hair not so differently from the way they had on the couch earlier, then wandered up and down every part of his body that could be reached with ease. Kisses planted along the side of his neck and behind his ear, then Ethan’s honey-smooth voice whispering with a raw edge:

“I love you.”

Alexei fought the urge to tense up again the way he had before, having just started to relax. He was mostly successful, and they went back to trading long, deep kisses. Usually he would have been flipping them over by now, working on getting Ethan mewling and begging for his dick. But right then he just felt like letting things stretch out as much as possible, enjoying the languid, gentle way Ethan was touching him.

He almost started when Ethan rolled off him, slowly shimmying further down the bed and placing kisses along his ribcage as he went. Alexei caught the delicate wrist trailing down his chest, along with Ethan’s attention mid-kiss.

“Hey, would you… stay up here a bit?” His voice sounded small and strange to his own ears, no bravado in it at all.

Dark eyes, looking even darker with pupils blown, met his gaze from beneath blond bangs.

“Of course,” replied Ethan, the end of his words hanging like there was an unspoken term of endearment silently included. His slender body slid back up along Alexei’s side, pale fingers pulling at one hip to turn the larger man to face him. Then taking hold of both their cocks, playing up and down in the lightest of teasing strokes.

After they had kissed for a while longer, Alexei could hear the slightly ragged edge to Ethan’s voice when he spoke again.

“I want to make you feel good, Alexei. What do you want tonight?”

 _To be yours,_ Alexei didn’t verbalize, thoughts a whirl of too many emotions, too much frustration. He could feel Ethan’s hand stroke down his flank and placed his own over top, holding it there. The press of their foreheads together and every other point of contact felt so good. Alexei let out a long, slow exhale.

“If you’re not in the mood, that’s okay—”

“ _No_ ,” Alexei cut him off sharply, wrapping his arms around Ethan’s shoulders and pulling him closer, into a desperate kiss, “…please.” The second word was barely above a whisper. A plea.

“Did you want me to…” Ethan trailed off, letting the slow play of his fingers down Alexei’s back finish the thought, getting lower and lower.

He just nodded, tight and small, holding Ethan tight for another kiss. When he finally loosened his grip, Ethan rolled away to fetch lube from the bedside drawer, positioning himself behind Alexei, both still on their sides.

Ethan kissed his back, his neck, the shell of his ear, his hair, all the while working him open, slowly but surely. Long, clever fingers pressing into him, stretching him open and vulnerable, getting him thoroughly slicked. Alexei just focused on the warmth of the man behind him and breathing through it as he shivered from the sensations. They hadn’t done this in a long time.

 _Too fucking long,_ he thought. Ethan hadn’t seemed interested in this for so many months now that Alexei couldn’t recall exactly the last time. It was even more intense than he’d remembered.

He thought back to the first time he’d let Abel top him back on the _Sleipnir_ , back when he was still Cain. How he’d thought at the time he was being so open, laying himself completely bare in front of his partner, showing a downright stupid level of trust. He’d been a fucking idiot. Cain had no clue just how much deeper he would get, how much more of himself he would offer up in the years to come. How Ethan would make him _want_ to expose every facet of himself.

“How are you doing, love?” Ethan’s quiet, steady voice in his ear brought him back to the present.

“Fine,” he said, torn between wanting to order the man behind him to hurry it the fuck up and not trusting himself to say that many words without his voice cracking. He could hear the tube of lubricant being opened again and the sudden pang of loss when Ethan pulled his fingers out.

“Is this okay?” Ethan asked as he pressed the head of his cock lightly to Alexei’s entrance, blunt and slick.

He answered by reaching one arm back, guiding skinny hips towards him and feeling the pressure increase. He tried to relax more, to make it easier. Ethan took it slow, sinking into him inch by inch at an almost imperceptible pace.

“Mmmm, you feel amazing,” said Ethan once he was flush up against Alexei, interlacing their fingers and holding both their hands against the larger man’s chest, “I love doing this with you so much.”

He just shuddered, still adjusting to the feeling of being so full, his lover inside and around him. Once the clenching of his muscles had subsided, Ethan started to move. Alexei fell into the sensations, riding waves of pleasure and losing track of time. At one point Ethan asked him to shift onto his back.

“I want to kiss you,” he’d said, breathing quicker than before but still slow and careful when he pulled out.

Against his better judgement, Alexei rolled over and let Ethan situate himself between his legs. The blond leaned over him, sinking back inside and resuming the measured thrusting. Fluffy, pale hair tickled his cheeks as they tilted their heads enough to lock lips again. It felt so fucking good, he couldn’t form coherent thoughts. Could only pray for it to continue, to not let this perfect moment end too soon. For Ethan’s soft hands to keep touching him, keep taking him apart piece by imperceptible piece.

When Ethan leaned back to a kneeling position between his legs, Alexei felt too cold, too exposed. He was breathing erratically and shaking a bit already. Ethan lifted his legs up with the greatest care, holding strong thighs against his own chest. Gazing down at him, eyes shining dark pools in the warm light of the bedside lamp—Alexei found he couldn’t look away even though it felt… too much. It had been so long since he’d felt like this when they made love.

_Tch, did I actually just think that?_

Even the voice in his head was quieted when he watched Ethan plant a soft kiss to the inside of one of his knees followed by the other, starting to rock his hips again.

“I love you, Alexei.”

It was too much. Way too fucking much. He could feel the tears that had been itching at the edge of his lashes spring up in the corners of his eyes. His vision blurred before he could throw an arm over his face, the other one fisting into the sheets as he quivered. He could feel as Ethan’s hand stroked down his legs and canted his hips a bit to change the angle, then found his hand, untangling it from the fabric of the bedcovers. Bright white heat bloomed behind his closed eyes as his unseen lover sank back into him, hitting just the right spot. The intensity of the feeling was only heightened by its contrast with the impossibly gentle touch of Ethan’s fingers caressing his scarred knuckles.

Over the blood pounding in his ears, Alexei heard Ethan speak again.

“You’re so, nnnn, ah- amazing,” the disembodied voice said, “Ah- Alexei, please, ah, look at me.”

He uncovered his eyes, dragging his forearm across his face to clear them as he did so.

Ethan was a vision. Pink-cheeked and smiling softly down at him, panting as he continued to bring their bodies together and apart, a sheen of sweat sticking pale bangs to his forehead.

“I’m, unnhh, so… so close,” he said, bringing their joined hands up to his face and kissing Alexei’s palm. He pressed his cheek into it, holding it there with one of his hands and taking Alexei’s cock in the other.

Alexei watched as the blond man nuzzled his palm, hips finally speeding up a little, rhythm faltering as he chased his release. Heard the cry of pleasure he let out, felt his body shudder, hand gripping tighter around his own cock. It was enough—along with the last few thrusts of Ethan’s hips—to send him over the edge as well, screaming his throat hoarse as he came.

He kept shaking even past the aftershocks, beyond the spasms as Ethan pulled out of him carefully, laying his legs back down on the mattress. He let himself be gathered up into his lover’s arms, resting his head on Ethan’s chest, face pressed into the hollow of his throat.

Ethan held him as he tried to get himself under control again, stroking his back as the shaking subsided, as their breathing approached something like normal. Didn’t let him go, chin resting on top of his head, planting kisses to the sweaty mess of his tangled hair. In the quiet, he felt Ethan start to speak even before he made a sound, chest rising in anticipation.

“What’s been bothering you lately?” he asked, in a small, scared voice, that pierced Alexei through the heart. It reminded him too clearly of the broken sound in Abel’s voice on the observation deck, the final battle visible behind him through the viewport. But there was none of the anger that accompanied it that day, just uncertainty and concern. “Please tell me.”

Alexei started shaking again, unable to hold it all back any longer. He let it all out in a fit of anger and sadness. All his worries about not being good enough for Ethan, not making him happy, not even being able to give Ethan the one thing he’d always been good at. Not knowing if their relationship would work if Ethan didn’t want that any more—didn’t want _him_ any more. Hating the thought that it had all been for nothing, that they’d been doomed from the start. Hating himself for not being enough.

Ethan just held him tight afterwards, completely silent.

_Now I’ve fucking done it. Shit._

Alexei’s mind raced, going over what he’d said and mentally kicking himself for being so stupid. He’d really fucked it up now, he should’ve just kept quiet. Ethan was clearly just being nice about it until now. But he had to go and drag out all that shit. This was definitely the end of things. They couldn’t go back to pretending now.  

“Well? Get it the fuck over with. Dump my worthless ass.”

Ethan pulled back and looked him dead in the eyes, so much passion burning in his gaze. A look of determination on his face that made Alexei’s mind flash back to Abel again, up in space.

“That’s not why I was being quiet,” Ethan’s voice quavered a little, but had a steely undertone. “I knew it wouldn’t matter what I said. You’d just argue with me, like you do every time we have this fight.”

“Since when the fuck have we ever had this fight?” asked Alexei as he leaned back on his elbows, rage bubbling up to the surface of his roiling emotions.

“We have it every time you get anxious about not being good enough for me! Or good enough for my family, as if their opinions matter!” Ethan’s eyes were glistening as he poured his frustration out, “I knew words weren’t going to convince you, because apparently they never have before… I knew that I just had to keep being there, show you that I’m not going anywhere.”

Alexei snorted, an ugly sound. _Better than crying like a fucking baby, though._

The other man sat up and hugged his knees to his chest, blinking rapidly. “I’m sorry… I didn’t realize how badly things between us were affecting you. I didn’t even know there was a problem. I– I thought everything was going so well… we both had stable jobs, you finally have some more friends here on Earth… I loved coming home at night knowing you would be here to talk to, and go to bed with. It felt so comfortable to me.”

He shrugged, unsure what to say. Scared of upsetting Ethan more. He simply stared into Ethan’s dark eyes through his own misting vision. Warm, sad eyes, framed by strong dark brows. They didn’t fit the Earthly version of perfection, either, he realized. They wouldn’t have been out of place back home with him. Maybe there was room in Ethan’s plush, comfortable life for a little bit of something that didn’t immediately seem to belong. Maybe he fit better here than he’d realized…

“I will always want you with me,” Ethan started again, voice growing more determined as he spoke, “You’re my partner. My lover. My friend. Even if you don’t always believe it… I’m going to keep showing you until you do.”

Alexei looked away again, hating how vulnerable he was in that moment, unable to maintain eye contact.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been even more distracted lately. Not paying enough attention to you, or the type of attention you needed… I just– I was hoping to... never mind...” The other man was fidgeting now, obviously going through about a thousand thoughts a second, only verbalizing parts of a few.

He was already on edge, and Ethan not getting to the point was more than he could take.

“Ethan! Never mind _what_? I’m not a fucking mind reader!” he snapped.

Ethan’s eyes went wide as he finally realized he wasn’t communicating whatever was flying through that big dumb brain of his.

“Um, I’ve just been planning something… I didn’t mean for it to come up yet,” he sighed and looked down at the rumpled sheets, “I really wanted to do this on, well, the anniversary of our assignment together in the Alliance.”

Alexei tried to be patient, pushing a harsh breath out through his nostrils in an attempt to keep calm.

“Do what?”

Ethan jumped up and hurried over to the closet, rummaging on his side of it. For a moment, Alexei wondered if he’d had a sudden change of heart. If the other man was about to get dressed and walk out of his life forever. He sat up properly and watched the blond hunt through his ties and socks.

His worries were dispelled when Ethan came back over, though a new set bubbled up in their place. His lover was holding a small velvet box, hands shaking slightly.

“I wanted to do this in a slightly grander way... something more spectacular and romantic...but...”

Ethan let out a nervous huff of air, and grabbed Alexei’s hand, getting down on one knee beside the bed. He looked up at Alexei, who could see all the love welling up in his lovely, dark eyes.

“Will you marry me?”

Alexei sat there dumbstruck for a moment, staring down at Ethan, and the two platinum bands nestled together in the tiny box, unsure what to even do with the entire situation. He’d been completely blindsided, had never expected the night to end like that. His body reacted for him, vision going blurry again; he could feel tears silently track down his cheeks.

The indistinct figure that was Ethan placed the ring box on the bedside table and sat down on the bed again beside him. Warm arms wrapped around his shoulders, which heaved with a shuddering sob.

“Sorry. I’m so sorry, Alexei. I got carried away,” Ethan said quickly, his words running together and tripping over each other, “You don’t have to answer now. Or ever. Just... please, stay with me tonight. Don’t go out. Just... stay.”  

Alexei wrapped his own arms around the smaller man’s chest. He hugged Ethan to him so tight it felt like they might both end up with cracked ribs, and whispered in his ear.

“Yes.” 

 

END


End file.
